#VibranceNews: The Art, The Science of Success & Resilience Course
I have some very exciting news:
I am currently looking for 5-7 participants to attend a new 8-session personal development program. We will use neuroscience-based strategies and practice to facilitate intra- and interpersonal development. Such skills improve our professional and personal lives, increasing well-being, presence, and resilience.
As this program is still in development, the course is free in exchange for attendance, constructive feedback, patience with any hiccups, and writing a testimonial. Sessions will be interrupted during June/July, but there will always be home practice in the meantime to maintain momentum.
I am looking for expressions of interest in order to draw up a schedule that works for the group and space availability.
Location: Planet Chiropractic, 2173 Fairburn Rd, Douglasville
Sessions will comprise of presentations intermixed with writing, standing, speaking, and lying activities (mats, chairs, pillows etc. provided). Participants will need to practice strategies at home between sessions.
I think Thursdays may be ideal as Planet Chiropractic is closed that day. Otherwise Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, or Friday outside of Planet Chiropractic’s hours. Sessions should run no longer than 2 hours.
Please contact me with your availability and any questions: contact@vibrancecentre.com
About me: I am a speech teacher and trained Occupational Therapist from Vancouver, Canada. I work with adults experiencing transitions in their lives and careers: job interviews, promotions, presentations, relationships, work-life balance, and conflict management.
Whatever your aims, we can aid you in achieving your goals with our individualised approach and flexible sessions. Contact us:
Quotes for Motivation and Presentations
The other day, I was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated that I didn't seem able to make headway on certain goals I had set for myself. Sometimes I have to be honest with myself as to whether I am prioritizing the correct things, or that I should be putting my energy toward the tasks that I would rather avoid, but which would light a fire under me if I accomplished them.
Sometimes finding a little inspiration is necessary. Similarly, finding a quote, image, or story upon which to anchor a presentation can be key. It is not a bad idea to have a collection of ideas and quotes that you find will support you in your work.
Here are some of mine:
Janelle Monáe
"Even if it makes others uncomfortable, I will love who I am.”
- Janelle Monáe
"Speak your mind even if your voice shakes." -Maggie Kuhn
“When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important.” - Ellen DeGeneres
“These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.” - Najwa Zebian
"It doesn't get easier. You get better." - Unknown
"I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." - Og Mandino
Maya Angelou
"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style" - Maya Angelou
“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” - Maya Angelou
“Always keep your eyes open. Keep watching. Because whatever you see can inspire you.” — Grace Coddington
"Be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire." - Unknown
Billie Jean King
“Champions keep playing until they get it right.” - Billie Jean King
“The human capacity for burden is like bamboo—far more flexible than you’d ever believe at first glance.” - Jodi Picoult
“A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.” - Unknown
“As my sufferings mounted I soon realized that there were two ways in which I could respond to my situation—either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course.” - Martin Luther King, Jr.
“We don’t develop courage by being happy every day. We develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.” - Barbara De Angelis
“It’s not the events of our lives that shape us but our beliefs as to what those events mean.” - Tony Robbins
“Panic causes tunnel vision. Calm acceptance of danger allows us to more easily assess the situation and see the options.” - Simon Sinek
Whatever your aims, we can aid you in achieving your goals with our individualised approach and flexible sessions. Contact us:
Transform Your Talk: Ten Tips
When working with clients preparing to give a presentation, we rehearse and break down the speech in detail. We also get into how best to prepare prior to the talk, how to manage unexpected things that might occur during the talk, and how to decompress afterward. Here are some general considerations to get you started:
1. Drink Water
It is important to hydrate your voice well before your talk, even more so if you are in a dry environment or tend to get a dry mouth when speaking. If you are using a microphone, it will amplify those qualities in your voice even further. A warm-up that incorporates your articulators will help to prevent tongue suction and popping. If possible, have water with you when speaking. Don't be afraid to pause at an opportune point in your presentation in order to take a drink if you need it.
2. Get Excited, Not Anxious.
When we drive a car, we don't stare at the barriers. Instead, we look where we want to go. Prior to a competition, athletes will go through every aspect of the game or course, imagining everything detail. As Vanessa Van Edwards says, "Anxiety and excitement are similar emotions the only difference is mindset." Focus on where you want to go, on how exciting this opportunity is. Instead of thinking, "I have to do this" change your mindset into "I get to do this!"
3. Channel Your Nerves
While waiting, move your body. Walk, shake out your hands, contract and release your muscles without movement at the joints, push against a wall. Listen to a song that gets you dancing. Use power poses
4. Breathe
Bring your awareness to your breathing and consciously drop it down into your diaphragm. If you feel adrenaline course through your body or anxiety rachet up, simply inhale for a slow count of four, exhale for a slow count of four. Inhale for a slow count of five, exhale for a slow count of five. Inhale for a slow count of six, exhale for a slow count of six. Inhale for a slow count of seven, exhale for a slow count of seven.
5. Move with Purpose
When speaking, nervous speakers will often sway or pace or gesticulate in ways that are distracting. It's a good idea to video yourself in order to notice your "tells." A good strategy is the "rule of three" sometimes used in theatre.If you notice that you are repeating a gesture more than three times, you are not supporting your words. Instead, walk a "map" of your ideas. When making a new point, walk to a new spot. If getting personal or driving a point home, walk toward the audience. If the room needs to breathe, or you are speaking more universally, put greater space between yourself and the audience.
Source: http://voice-international.com/
6. Your greatest Asset is Your Voice
The quality of your voice can support the content of your talk or detract from it. Developing a voice that is expressive, powerful, and authentic is one of the greatest investments you can make in yourself. This includes the musicality of your voice, the pace with which you speak, how and where you pause, the words you emphasize, and more. The more skilled and intentional you are with your voice, the better you can craft your talk, and the more influential you are.
7. Allow People to Adjust to Your Delivery
Open your talk with a well-rehearsed opening and speak at a slightly slower pace with attention to emphasis and inflection. This will give the audience time to "tune their ear" to the sound of your voice and any accent differences between you.
Pictured: Artiz Aduriz
8. The Audience Wants You to Succeed
Remember that each person in the audience took the time to show up to see your talk. They want you to do well. Few speakers are their best if they perceive the audience as antagonists. Come in with an energy of welcome, high regard, and excitement. Put your focus on them instead of your nervousness and you will transform as a speaker.
9. Allow For the Unexpected
No matter how much you rehearse, allow there to be room for something to happen. Technical glitches, or tripping over your own feet doesn't have to be embarrassing or a "loss of face," it can be an opportunity. Have a joke ready or be prepared to ad lib. The audience might take it as an opportunity to relax.
10. Be Prepared To Be Done.
It is a skillful speaker who has a decompression strategy in place. A presentation will take a lot of energy and may stir up anxiety - which will lead to a crash. You may also experience a lot of emotions stirred up inside you. Have something set up beforehand such as a debrief with a trusted friend, sit down and write a reflection, go for a walk, or sit in a hot tub or bath. Take some deep breaths, shake out your hands.
Sources And Further Reading:
A TED speaker coach shares 11 tips for right before you go on stage
Does body language help a TED Talk go viral? 5 nonverbal patterns from blockbuster talks
You Are Contagious - Vanessa Van Edwards
Your Body Language May Shape Who You Are - Amy Cuddy
Is Your Voice Ruining Your Life? - Roger Love
Whatever your aims, we can aid you in achieving your goals with our individualised approach and flexible sessions. Contact us:
#WritingWednesday What Can We Learn from Standup?
The other day I began watching Pete Holmes' comedy special Faces and Sounds on HBO. Sometimes I will play something in the background as sound to mask other, the more distracting central air, refrigerator, and old house noises. Pete Holmes quickly had my full attention. His incredible facial reactions and self-deprecating humour won me over. Something that is unique about his special in this era of Chappelle, Silverman, Minaj, Maron, Hart, Schumer ... and that is how clean his comedy was. I love shock controversy, I love comedy, but sometimes it's refreshing to find laughter in something that doesn't require me to throw my relatives out of the room beforehand.
Something He Said Stayed With Me:
"I'm a silly, silly fun boy, right?"
Well, that was so adorable I perked up and stopped working in order to listen.
"And one of the reasons is I've recalibrated my brain to reward me for the things I am doing, not the things I could be doing. And that's what I think you should do, that's one of the keys to happiness, love yourself for the things you are doing, not the things you could be doing [....] I don't mess with my joy quota [....] you gotta keep an eye on your joy quota"
This got me thinking about my own "joy quota." When do I intentionally gift myself moments of pleasure with intention and fully experiencing them in order to make a deposit into my joy account and truly allowing myself to laugh or feel joyful.
I sat down and tried to come up with a few:
- Getting silly with my husband and giggling until my face hurts
- My father-in-law's deceptively outrageous sense of humour
- Shuffling my bare feet through carpet
- Listening to this guy's ridiculous laugh (at 1:08:48)
- Sitting in a hot tub, or better yet, attending a traditional Korean bath/spa
- Creating art with my hands
- Stretching in bed following a rare, long, deep sleep
- Reading for pleasure
- Listening to the 2 Dope Queens podcast
- Standup comedy by Aparna Nancherla and Issa Rae
- Thomas Haden Church in Divorce
- Stephen Merchant in Hello Ladies
- Pete Holmes in Crashing
- Eugene Levy, his son Dan Levy, and Catherine O'Hara in Schitt's Creek
I love looking at these photos because I don't often get to see myself in the midst of experiencing joy. Not a posed selfie representation, but being captured in the midst of a spontaneous reaction. It reminds me that the right people bring out the best in me.
Standup comedy has a lot to teach writers of all persuasions. Most comedians are writers first and foremost, sweating over the wording of each joke in preparation for bringing those jokes to the stage and utilising body language, pace, pauses, pitch, inflection, emphasis, and a range of public speaking skills to connect with the audience and create a performance.
Comedians train themselves to be observers and writers - both requiring attention to detail. They typically look to their own experiences and interactions as raw material. They listen closely to how people speak in real life and record dialogue to use later. They understand that simply changing the order that information is given or the order of words will change something from an anecdote to an act.
Comedians must also understand human behaviour. In observing the world around them, in crafting their jokes, and in connecting with their audiences their comedy is only as good as their ability to "get it". Is anything as immediate as the feedback one gets from a set in front of an audience? While I have never done a standup as a comedian, in the course of MCing I have written and performed sets designed to elicit laughter. It can really be hit or miss at times, a joke that I have been gloating over is met with silence in the room. Something I throw out there off the top of my head requires me to pause and wait for the laughter to die down. Even in the course of conversation, notice what seems to just "work."
Comedy is about understanding the mechanics of what makes something funny in that language, which also incorporates an understanding of cultural and contextual nuance. Moroccan-French Comedian Gad Elmaleh is a celebrity in Europe who played to sold-out arena shows. Growing up in Morroco, Elmaleh speaks Arabic, French, and Hebrew. He decided to create a career in America, in English, which meant starting over.
Elmaleh made a film "10 Minutes in America," documenting his experience. The film explores how comedy doesn't translate, it is much more than simply transferring each word into the new language, jokes must be crafted from the ground up.
Comedians Must Have Deep Knowledge of:
- Language - including puns, turns of phrase, and the mechanics of what makes something funny
- Body language and facial expressions
- Verbal gesticulations - a well-placed sound can put an audience in stitches
- Cultural sensibilities - including cliches and stereotypes
- Specific audience - the community, the venue, the night
Writing Practice
A. Exercise 1:
This week, listen and/or watch some comedians and play close attention to their set-ups and wording. Better yet, compare a comedian telling the same joke during a different performance. Notice how the order of words are changed in order to become more effective jokes or how segues evolve to better introduce the new subject matter.
B. Exercise 2:
- Pick a short personal story that you like or have told to friends and family.
- Write it out, aiming for around 250 words.
- Now use 100 words to tell the story.
- Then tell it in 50 words.
- Now 25 words.
- Write it using 140 characters.
Achieving a full stand-up routine is so difficult because a successful set is so condensed. Amateur comedians (and writers) often have extraneous detail that derails the joke, lowers the energy, or occludes the narrative. Learning to generate material and then filter and compress it is a powerful skill. Learning to be concise and to choose each word for its ability to convey meaning will transform your writing.
C. Exercise 3:
Pick a story out of the newspaper and cast yourself in the story. For example, a government turns into a metaphor for a dysfunctional family, a silly local incident becomes something your cousin did, an episode involving a celebrity mirrors something you have done. Do not try to be funny, just go for 10.
Further Resources
Whatever your aims, we can aid you in achieving your goals with our individualised approach and flexible sessions. Contact us:
#WritingWednesday Cowboy Poetry and the National Gathering
Photograph: K. Usayed
Cowboy poetry emerged from the tradition whereby workers on ranches and cattle drives would gather together at the end of a day, sit around a fire and decompress by extemporaneously composing and sharing songs, stories, and poems.
It is important to recognise that this is a contemporary, evolving poetic form as cowboy culture is still alive and well. It is not a historical form such as Victorian, Renaissance, or Romantic poetry.
Romantic in style, cowboy poetry retains its realism. Thematically, cowboy poetry may describe funny events, the work of cowboys, tales of people and events from the past, expressions of cowboy values, criticisms of new technologies and culture and Western landscapes, livestock, and lifestyles,.
Photographer: Maria Itina
Structure: Traditionally a cowboy poem is:
- Written by cowboys, ranchers or those familiar with the lifestyle
- Rhymed, metered verse often in couplets (free verse is uncommon)
- Written to be recited aloud
Keep in mind, these aren't hard rules, poetry isn't formulaic and cowboy poetry is evolving. Once you understand the form, you will appreciate exceptions to it.
Photographer: Lena Ivashinka
No Rest for the Horse - Anonymous
There's a union for teamster and waiter,
There's a union for cabman and cook,
There's a union for hobo and preacher,
And one for detective and crook.
There's a union for blacksmith and painter,
There is one for the printer, of course;
But where would you go in this realm of woe,
To discover a guild for the horse?
He can't make a murmur in protest,
Though they strain him both up and down hill,
Or force him to work twenty hours
At the whim of some drunken brute's will.
Photographer: Brett L. Erickson
Look back at our struggle for freedom—
Trace our present day's strength to its source,
And you'll find that man's pathway to glory,
Is strewn with the bones of the horse.
The mule is a fool under fire;
The horse, although frightened, stands true,
And he'd charge into hell without flinching
'Twixt the knees of the trooper he knew.
Photographer: Alessandro Passerini
When the troopers grow old they are pensioned,
Or a berth or a home for them found;
When a horse is worn out they condemn him,
And sell him for nothing a pound.
Just think, the old pet of some trooper
Once curried and rubbed twice a day,
Now drags some damned ragpicker's wagon,
With curses and blows for his pay.
I once knew a grand king of racers,
The best of a cup-wining strain;
They ruined his knees on a hurdle,
For his rider's hat covered no brain.
Photographer: Andrej Sevkovskij
I met him again, four years later,
On his side at the foot of a hill,
With two savages kicking his ribs,
And doing their work with a will.
I stroked the once velvety muzzle,
I murmured the old name again,
He once filled my purse with gold dollars;
And this day I bought him for ten.
Photographer: Anneke Paterson
His present address is "Sweet Pastures,"
He has nothing to do but eat,
Or loaf in the shade on the green, velvet grass,
And dream of the horses he beat.
Now, a dog—well, a dog has a limit;
After standing for all that's his due,
He'll pack up his duds some dark evening,
And shine out for scenes which are new.
But a horse, once he's used to his leather,
Photographer: Samantha Whitelaw
Is much like the old-fashioned wife;
He may not be proud of his bargain,
But still he'll be faithful through life.
And I envy the merciful teamster
Who can stand at the bar and say:
"Kind Lord, with the justice I dealt my horse,
Judge Thou my soul today."
from Songs of Horses, 1920
The Elko Cowboy Poetry Gathering (Elko, Nevada) started 33 years ago as a place for cowboys and ranchers to gather and a love of poetry. It was later renamed by Congress as the National Cowboy Poetry Gathering. This annual event has become a destination for thousands of folks to gather and share in a love of the West and cowboy culture over six days of poetry, music, dancing, workshops, exhibits, discussions, food and friendship. The event blends tradition and history with contemporary rural culture.
Photographer: Marklin Ang
This year's event will take place January 29-February 3, 2018, with the theme "Basques & Buckaroos: Herding Cultures of Basin, Range and Beyond.”
Also, mark you calendars as the 17th annual Cowboy Poetry Week falls on April 15-21, 2018 (April is poetry month)!
Sources and Further Reading
National Cowboy Poetry Gathering
Images from: National Geographic: Horse
Whatever your aims, we can aid you in achieving your goals with our individualised approach and flexible sessions. Contact us:
Success Is...
With the beginning of a new year, it is common to take stock and set goals for the months ahead. An important aspect of this process is to understand the elements of what ensures success. There are six skills that successful people excel at and you can develop to ensure your success. This framework shapes the Vibrance philosophy and influences how we teach our clients.
1. Grit
“Grit is a marathon, not a sprint”
The foundation for success is grit. Grit means having the motivation to work toward your goals, the perseverance to keep going when things get difficult, and the passion to keep your heart and soul in the work. As Duckworth argues, Grit is key to success.
Impress this on your mind: grit is not based on talent or intelligence. In fact, those with talent may become complacent, preferring to coast along thinking they can fool everyone. Despite being intelligent, individuals may be ill-equipped with problem-solving skills to meet challenges and setbacks. Grit will get you where you are determined to go, and the skills you acquire along the way will make you more successful at success.
Part of grit is developing a growth mindset. This contrasts with a fixed mindset, the belief that failure must be avoided at all costs because it reflects a failure of the individual's intelligence or character. A growth mindset acknowledges that the human mind is plastic. It adapts and changes all the time. This means that we always have the ability to learn if we put in the effort and grow our passion for learning. Think of what you would teach a child, that they are not a failure, but rather their plan was not adequate to meet the demands of the situation or that they have not yet acquired all the skills they need to meet the challenge. Failure is never permanent if you cultivate a growth mindset.
My husband has an incredible a growth mindset and I learn much from his example. He was raised with the ADB philosophy, Always Do Your Best. The outcome was less important than process as long as he was doing his best. If he knew that he was and learning along the way he was realizing his potential. My husband has taught me that there is always a solution, one simply needs to find it.
2. Discipline
Discipline builds on your gritty foundation. To succeed at anything you must put in the time. More than that, it must be quality, focused time. You cannot phone it in. You must be fully present and bring your complete concentration to the activity.
For some endeavors, this takes the form of practice. Remember Malcolm Gladwell's 10,000 hours of diligent practice? This is certainly part of the puzzle in situations with stable structures and unchanging rules. Individuals must also be good at practicing and know how they best learn. This means constantly building skills and aptitude, raising the bar constantly so that there is failure at times, and having a feedback loop in order to perceive areas for improvement and to take appropriate action (think of dancers practicing with a mirror or artists attending a weekly class).
I like to use sports analogies because people understand that athletics entail effort, challenge, focus, hours, practice, and difficulty - elements that some are less willing to apply to other areas of their lives. A person gets stronger quickly at the gym by lifting heavy weights until failure (8-12 reps) meaning their muscles simply cannot complete the exercise with full range and structural integrity. They will use the mirror, peer feedback, and video recordings to improve their form. They will follow a regime that challenges them mentally and physically while ensuring adequate recovery and nutrition to maintain progress. Lastly, they will incorporate enough diversity that they stay passionate and prevent injury, tedium, and burnout.
For other contexts where there are no set rules or constantly changing frameworks, as is often the case with creative and entrepreneurial endeavours, practice, however diligent is not the X factor, Instead, discipline may take on another form. A choreographer will get into the studio space 4-5 days a week, an artist will paint for a set number of hours a day, a writer will commit to writing a certain number of words before bed. A stockbroker building a client base may determine a quota of cold calls for the afternoon, a medical specialist may read a specific number of articles a week, an entrepreneur building a business will decide upon a minimum number of meetings a fortnight.
Jerry Seinfeld is one of the most consistent and successful comedians in the industry. On Lifehacker, Brad Isaac relays a story regarding receiving advice from Seinfeld about becoming successful. Seinfeld has since claimed that this advice was never his to give, but the "Seinfeld Method" remains the stuff of legend. Isaac claimed,
"[Seinfeld] said the way to be a better comic was to create better jokes and the way to create better jokes was to write every day.
He told me to get a big wall calendar that has a whole year on one page and hang it on a prominent wall. The next step was to get a big red magic marker. He said for each day that I do my task of writing, I get to put a big red X over that day.
'After a few days you'll have a chain. Just keep at it and the chain will grow longer every day. You'll like seeing that chain, especially when you get a few weeks under your belt. Your only job is to not break the chain.' ”
3. Interpersonal Skills
Interpersonal skills are often described as "soft skills" (to contrast with the "hard skills" of STEM - Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics) and are becoming recognized as more important than ever.
These include:
- communication skills (verbal, non-verbal communication, listening skills)
- emotional intelligence
- team-working
- negotiation, persuasion and influencing skills
- conflict resolution
- problem-solving and decision-making
As Cathy N. Davidson describes,
"among the eight most important qualities of Google’s top employees, STEM expertise comes in dead last. The seven top characteristics of success at Google are all soft skills: being a good coach; communicating and listening well; possessing insights into others (including others different values and points of view); having empathy toward and being supportive of one’s colleagues; being a good critical thinker and problem solver; and being able to make connections across complex ideas [....]
[Google] enlarged its previous hiring practices to include humanities majors, artists, and even the MBAs [....]
Project Aristotle shows that the best teams at Google exhibit a range of soft skills: equality, generosity, curiosity toward the ideas of your teammates, empathy, and emotional intelligence. And topping the list: emotional safety. "
Source: http://www.apa.org/science/about/psa/2011/05/facial-expressions.aspx
One of the simplest ways you can develop your interpersonal skills is to slow down, listen, and observe without immediately thinking of what you want to say or of the next place to which you must run off. Try it with your friends and romantic partners, listen to them without trying to solve problems or to judge. Try it with your coworkers and notice what changes.
Another important skill to develop is to understand facial expressions. This will allow individuals to better develop connection, rapport, and trust, in an individual's professional and personal life. Facial expressions have been found to be universal across cultures, both in interpretation and production. There are seven basic emotions, anger, contempt, disgust, fear, joy, sadness, and surprise. This field has been widely developed by Dr. Paul Eckman. We now understand the concept of micro-expressions, involuntary responses that can be as brief as 1/30 of a second, and therefore can be a very honest portrayal of emotion.
Vibrance offers programs to build interpersonal skills in young people and adults.
4. Failure (is Success)
“You will become clever through your mistakes.”
Ooooof, this one is very difficult for me!
Set time at the start of the week and month to set new goals and reassess old ones. Starting now, your aim is to fail at 20-50% of the goals you set yourself while aiming to attain 100% of them.
This indicates that you are setting goals that are just the right challenge, with the stakes being high enough that you must exert yourself. If failure is possible, you will work harder - within reason.
With my school-aged students, I will often pick up a pencil, do a bicep curl, and ask "will this make me stronger quickly?"
"No," they will say.
"If I used a much heavier weight instead, will this make me stronger?"
"Yes!" they exclaim.
"If I try to pick up a truck, will I get stronger?"
Mixed answers.
"No, I won't because a truck is too heavy for my muscles to engage at all" (at least at this stage). If the bar is set too high, it can be demoralizing, failure seems certain. Here is where my husband offers another bit of wisdom, how do you eat an elephant? The answer?One bite at a time. Break larger tasks into manageable pieces. Maybe I cannot lift an entire truck, but I could work on flipping one of its tires, once, then twice, then ten times and more.
That being said, ensure that you don't become attached to output or outcome. Some days may not appear productive. You may be gathering inspiration, learning a new skill, or finding yourself going down some dead-ends before finding the right path.
Source: http://www.escapeseriestri.com/philadelphia-escape
Another sports analogy: I attended a triathlon workshop that focused on transitions. Being new to this sport, I had not realized how much strategy and practice is involved in ensuring smooth transitions that will support your overall performance at a triathlon event! The coach reminded us to keep moving forward and to find economy in movement. When switching from the swimming to the cycling, have your equipment arranged so that you can bend down once instead of multiple times. Then move forward as you finish buckling your helmet and arranging your number. If you practice enough, you can even keep your cycling shoes clicked into your pedals and learn to fasten your shoes as you get onto the bike! Find ways to introduce economy of effort into your day and know that forward momentum (whether a slow plod or a lightning-fast sprint) is progress. Sometimes, just showing up and putting in a diligent effort is forward momentum.
Failure is how one learns. Whenever I am embarking on a creative endeavour, it feels as if I have to fail a few times in order to figure out how I need to do it. Bring curiosity to your risks and focus on mastery instead of success. We see this in children. A toddler learning to roll over or to walk will try and fail - until they succeed. As we get older, failure is associated with shame and fear of looking incompetent to others. As adults, we must ensure that we support failure in others and facilitate reflection and learning. Perform post-mortems of your own failures without ego or shame, commit to remediating any areas in which you need to improve, and your progress will be exponential. This is growth mindset in action.
Embracing failure will also reduce suffering. Think of the opportunities you have missed due to fear of failure, the agony you experienced when venturing into unchartered territory resulted in a mess instead of success. How might you have changed your experience by looking for the learning opportunities in every "failure?"
5. Mentorship
“In learning you will teach, and in teaching you will learn.”
Source: http://zelig880.com/the-power-of-mentoring
Better yet, conduct post-mortems with a mentor. Find someone you respect, who shares some of our values, and is willing to give you their time. Ideally, this would be on a monthly basis. In health occupations, this is a common aspect of professional development. A mentor can offer you perspective, inspiration, and accountability. Be prepared to be vulnerable and transparent. Picking the right mentor is vital. They must be able to balance empathy with neutrality. Ensure that they do not shut you down or frustrate your vision, but that they still challenge you and hold you to account.
In the future as you progress, consider mentoring others. Again, ensure this is free from your ego. We often learn best by teaching others and it supports perspective-taking. Don't become attached to your mentee's progress. In my dramaturgy course, I remember my close friend talking about the choreographer she was working with. My friend personally didn't find the performance that they were working on personally engaging however, she realized that it didn't matter. The performance wasn't her "baby." Her role was to support this choreographer in bringing forth her baby.
6. Voice and Body
Often, my clients come to me hating the sound of their voices. Therefore, when they speak to others, it is under duress and tension. They will even say their own name apologetically or with contempt, revoking the power of their existence. Listen to your voicemail message and hear how you say your name.
Voice teacher Roger Love rightly us to percieve our voices exist as a gift for others. If we want to speak to our selves, we can simply speak in our minds. In order to reach others, we much open our mouths. By thinking of our voices as a gift, this moves our attention away from our selves, our nerves, our inner-talk so we can focus on reaching the other person and reading their responses.
People may not remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel. The way that you speak informs your listeners as to whether they consider you a knowledgeable and trustworthy person. For example, if I end every statement as if I am asking a question, I am unlikely to convince a client that I know what I am doing or have anything useful to teach them. If I use a monotone speaking voice, I am unlikely to maintain a client's attention long enough for them to retain any information I am trying to share.
The body, breath, and voice are inexorably linked. Amy Cuddy's research focusses on the way that body language impacts our body chemistry, the way we see ourselves, and the way we are seen. In training the body and voice we can transform our lives.
Peter Strick's research uncovered evidence indicating that our stress responses are tied to the primary sensory and motor cortices through complex networks:
"The motor areas in the brain connect to the adrenal glands. In the primary motor cortex of the brain, there’s a map of the human body—areas that correspond to the face, arm, and leg area, as well as a region that controls the axial body muscles (known to many people now as 'the core').
The Pitt team didn't think the primary motor cortex would control the adrenal medulla at all. But there are a whole lot of neurons there that do. And when you look at where those neurons are located, most are in the axial muscle part of that cortex.
'Something about axial control has an impact on stress responses,' Strick reasons. 'There’s all this evidence that core strengthening has an impact on stress. And when you see somebody that's depressed or stressed out, you notice changes in their posture. When you stand up straight, it has an effect on how you project yourself and how you feel. Well, lo and behold, core muscles have an impact on stress. And I suspect that if you activate core muscles inappropriately with poor posture, that’s going to have an impact on stress.' "
The body is how we encounter and filter the world. This, in response, shapes our inner world which, in turn, influences how we re-encounter and interpret our surroundings in a constant loop.
Vibrance specialises in training the body and voice to be free of unnecessary tension, to be dynamic, supple, and supportive of our presence in the world.
Other Reading:
Six elements of success adapted from Science of People
Whatever your aims, we can aid you in achieving your goals with our individualised approach and flexible sessions. Contact us:
Neil Gaiman on Why Our Future Depends on Literature
This is an edited version of Neil Gaiman’s lecture for the Reading Agency, delivered on Monday October 14, 2013 at the Barbican in London. The Reading Agency’s annual lecture series was initiated in 2012 as a platform for leading writers and thinkers to share original, challenging ideas about reading and libraries.
It’s important for people to tell you what side they are on and why, and whether they might be biased. A declaration of members’ interests, of a sort. So, I am going to be talking to you about reading. I’m going to tell you that libraries are important. I’m going to suggest that reading fiction, that reading for pleasure, is one of the most important things one can do. I’m going to make an impassioned plea for people to understand what libraries and librarians are, and to preserve both of these things.
And I am biased, obviously and enormously: I’m an author, often an author of fiction. I write for children and for adults. For about 30 years I have been earning my living through my words, mostly by making things up and writing them down. It is obviously in my interest for people to read, for them to read fiction, for libraries and librarians to exist and help foster a love of reading and places in which reading can occur.
So I’m biased as a writer. But I am much, much more biased as a reader. And I am even more biased as a British citizen.
And I’m here giving this talk tonight, under the auspices of the Reading Agency: a charity whose mission is to give everyone an equal chance in life by helping people become confident and enthusiastic readers. Which supports literacy programs, and libraries and individuals and nakedly and wantonly encourages the act of reading. Because, they tell us, everything changes when we read.
And it’s that change, and that act of reading that I’m here to talk about tonight. I want to talk about what reading does. What it’s good for.
I was once in New York, and I listened to a talk about the building of private prisons – a huge growth industry in America. The prison industry needs to plan its future growth – how many cells are they going to need? How many prisoners are there going to be, 15 years from now? And they found they could predict it very easily, using a pretty simple algorithm, based on asking what percentage of 10 and 11-year-olds couldn’t read. And certainly couldn’t read for pleasure.
It’s not one to one: you can’t say that a literate society has no criminality. But there are very real correlations.
And I think some of those correlations, the simplest, come from something very simple. Literate people read fiction.
Fiction has two uses. Firstly, it’s a gateway drug to reading. The drive to know what happens next, to want to turn the page, the need to keep going, even if it’s hard, because someone’s in trouble and you have to know how it’s all going to end … that’s a very real drive. And it forces you to learn new words, to think new thoughts, to keep going. To discover that reading per se is pleasurable. Once you learn that, you’re on the road to reading everything. And reading is key. There were noises made briefly, a few years ago, about the idea that we were living in a post-literate world, in which the ability to make sense out of written words was somehow redundant, but those days are gone: words are more important than they ever were: we navigate the world with words, and as the world slips onto the web, we need to follow, to communicate and to comprehend what we are reading. People who cannot understand each other cannot exchange ideas, cannot communicate, and translation programs only go so far.
The simplest way to make sure that we raise literate children is to teach them to read, and to show them that reading is a pleasurable activity. And that means, at its simplest, finding books that they enjoy, giving them access to those books, and letting them read them.
I don’t think there is such a thing as a bad book for children. Every now and again it becomes fashionable among some adults to point at a subset of children’s books, a genre, perhaps, or an author, and to declare them bad books, books that children should be stopped from reading. I’ve seen it happen over and over; Enid Blyton was declared a bad author, so was RL Stine, so were dozens of others. Comics have been decried as fostering illiteracy.
It’s tosh. It’s snobbery and it’s foolishness. There are no bad authors for children, that children like and want to read and seek out, because every child is different. They can find the stories they need to, and they bring themselves to stories. A hackneyed, worn-out idea isn’t hackneyed and worn out to them. This is the first time the child has encountered it. Do not discourage children from reading because you feel they are reading the wrong thing. Fiction you do not like is a route to other books you may prefer. And not everyone has the same taste as you.
Well-meaning adults can easily destroy a child’s love of reading: stop them reading what they enjoy, or give them worthy-but-dull books that you like, the 21st-century equivalents of Victorian “improving” literature. You’ll wind up with a generation convinced that reading is uncool and worse, unpleasant.
We need our children to get onto the reading ladder: anything that they enjoy reading will move them up, rung by rung, into literacy. (Also, do not do what this author did when his 11-year-old daughter was into RL Stine, which is to go and get a copy of Stephen King’s Carrie, saying if you liked those you’ll love this! Holly read nothing but safe stories of settlers on prairies for the rest of her teenage years, and still glares at me when Stephen King’s name is mentioned.)
And the second thing fiction does is to build empathy. When you watch TV or see a film, you are looking at things happening to other people. Prose fiction is something you build up from 26 letters and a handful of punctuation marks, and you, and you alone, using your imagination, create a world and people it and look out through other eyes. You get to feel things, visit places and worlds you would never otherwise know. You learn that everyone else out there is a me, as well. You’re being someone else, and when you return to your own world, you’re going to be slightly changed.
Empathy is a tool for building people into groups, for allowing us to function as more than self-obsessed individuals.
You’re also finding out something as you read vitally important for making your way in the world. And it’s this:
The world doesn’t have to be like this. Things can be different.
I was in China in 2007, at the first party-approved science fiction and fantasy convention in Chinese history. And at one point I took a top official aside and asked him Why? SF had been disapproved of for a long time. What had changed?
It’s simple, he told me. The Chinese were brilliant at making things if other people brought them the plans. But they did not innovate and they did not invent. They did not imagine. So they sent a delegation to the US, to Apple, to Microsoft, to Google, and they asked the people there who were inventing the future about themselves. And they found that all of them had read science fiction when they were boys or girls.
Fiction can show you a different world. It can take you somewhere you’ve never been. Once you’ve visited other worlds, like those who ate fairy fruit, you can never be entirely content with the world that you grew up in. Discontent is a good thing: discontented people can modify and improve their worlds, leave them better, leave them different.
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And while we’re on the subject, I’d like to say a few words about escapism. I hear the term bandied about as if it’s a bad thing. As if “escapist” fiction is a cheap opiate used by the muddled and the foolish and the deluded, and the only fiction that is worthy, for adults or for children, is mimetic fiction, mirroring the worst of the world the reader finds herself in.
If you were trapped in an impossible situation, in an unpleasant place, with people who meant you ill, and someone offered you a temporary escape, why wouldn’t you take it? And escapist fiction is just that: fiction that opens a door, shows the sunlight outside, gives you a place to go where you are in control, are with people you want to be with(and books are real places, make no mistake about that); and more importantly, during your escape, books can also give you knowledge about the world and your predicament, give you weapons, give you armour: real things you can take back into your prison. Skills and knowledge and tools you can use to escape for real.
As JRR Tolkien reminded us, the only people who inveigh against escape are jailers.
Another way to destroy a child’s love of reading, of course, is to make sure there are no books of any kind around. And to give them nowhere to read those books. I was lucky. I had an excellent local library growing up. I had the kind of parents who could be persuaded to drop me off in the library on their way to work in summer holidays, and the kind of librarians who did not mind a small, unaccompanied boy heading back into the children’s library every morning and working his way through the card catalogue, looking for books with ghosts or magic or rockets in them, looking for vampires or detectives or witches or wonders. And when I had finished reading the children’s’ library I began on the adult books.
They were good librarians. They liked books and they liked the books being read. They taught me how to order books from other libraries on inter-library loans. They had no snobbery about anything I read. They just seemed to like that there was this wide-eyed little boy who loved to read, and would talk to me about the books I was reading, they would find me other books in a series, they would help. They treated me as another reader – nothing less or more – which meant they treated me with respect. I was not used to being treated with respect as an eight-year-old.
But libraries are about freedom. Freedom to read, freedom of ideas, freedom of communication. They are about education (which is not a process that finishes the day we leave school or university), about entertainment, about making safe spaces, and about access to information.
I worry that here in the 21st century people misunderstand what libraries are and the purpose of them. If you perceive a library as a shelf of books, it may seem antiquated or outdated in a world in which most, but not all, books in print exist digitally. But that is to miss the point fundamentally.
I think it has to do with nature of information. Information has value, and the right information has enormous value. For all of human history, we have lived in a time of information scarcity, and having the needed information was always important, and always worth something: when to plant crops, where to find things, maps and histories and stories – they were always good for a meal and company. Information was a valuable thing, and those who had it or could obtain it could charge for that service.
In the last few years, we’ve moved from an information-scarce economy to one driven by an information glut. According to Eric Schmidt of Google, every two days now the human race creates as much information as we did from the dawn of civilisation until 2003. That’s about five exobytes of data a day, for those of you keeping score. The challenge becomes, not finding that scarce plant growing in the desert, but finding a specific plant growing in a jungle. We are going to need help navigating that information to find the thing we actually need.
Libraries are places that people go to for information. Books are only the tip of the information iceberg: they are there, and libraries can provide you freely and legally with books. More children are borrowing books from libraries than ever before – books of all kinds: paper and digital and audio. But libraries are also, for example, places that people, who may not have computers, who may not have internet connections, can go online without paying anything: hugely important when the way you find out about jobs, apply for jobs or apply for benefits is increasingly migrating exclusively online. Librarians can help these people navigate that world.
I do not believe that all books will or should migrate onto screens: as Douglas Adams once pointed out to me, more than 20 years before the Kindle turned up, a physical book is like a shark. Sharks are old: there were sharks in the ocean before the dinosaurs. And the reason there are still sharks around is that sharks are better at being sharks than anything else is. Physical books are tough, hard to destroy, bath-resistant, solar-operated, feel good in your hand: they are good at being books, and there will always be a place for them. They belong in libraries, just as libraries have already become places you can go to get access to ebooks, and audiobooks and DVDs and web content.
A library is a place that is a repository of information and gives every citizen equal access to it. That includes health information. And mental health information. It’s a community space. It’s a place of safety, a haven from the world. It’s a place with librarians in it. What the libraries of the future will be like is something we should be imagining now.
Literacy is more important than ever it was, in this world of text and email, a world of written information. We need to read and write, we need global citizens who can read comfortably, comprehend what they are reading, understand nuance, and make themselves understood.
Libraries really are the gates to the future. So it is unfortunate that, round the world, we observe local authorities seizing the opportunity to close libraries as an easy way to save money, without realising that they are stealing from the future to pay for today. They are closing the gates that should be open.
According to a recent study by the Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development, England is the “only country where the oldest age group has higher proficiency in both literacy and numeracy than the youngest group, after other factors, such as gender, socio-economic backgrounds and type of occupations are taken into account”.
Or to put it another way, our children and our grandchildren are less literate and less numerate than we are. They are less able to navigate the world, to understand it to solve problems. They can be more easily lied to and misled, will be less able to change the world in which they find themselves, be less employable. All of these things. And as a country, England will fall behind other developed nations because it will lack a skilled workforce.
Books are the way that we communicate with the dead. The way that we learn lessons from those who are no longer with us, that humanity has built on itself, progressed, made knowledge incremental rather than something that has to be relearned, over and over. There are tales that are older than most countries, tales that have long outlasted the cultures and the buildings in which they were first told.
I think we have responsibilities to the future. Responsibilities and obligations to children, to the adults those children will become, to the world they will find themselves inhabiting. All of us – as readers, as writers, as citizens – have obligations. I thought I’d try and spell out some of these obligations here.
I believe we have an obligation to read for pleasure, in private and in public places. If we read for pleasure, if others see us reading, then we learn, we exercise our imaginations. We show others that reading is a good thing.
We have an obligation to support libraries. To use libraries, to encourage others to use libraries, to protest the closure of libraries. If you do not value libraries then you do not value information or culture or wisdom. You are silencing the voices of the past and you are damaging the future.
We have an obligation to read aloud to our children. To read them things they enjoy. To read to them stories we are already tired of. To do the voices, to make it interesting, and not to stop reading to them just because they learn to read to themselves. Use reading-aloud time as bonding time, as time when no phones are being checked, when the distractions of the world are put aside.
We have an obligation to use the language. To push ourselves: to find out what words mean and how to deploy them, to communicate clearly, to say what we mean. We must not to attempt to freeze language, or to pretend it is a dead thing that must be revered, but we should use it as a living thing, that flows, that borrows words, that allows meanings and pronunciations to change with time.
We writers – and especially writers for children, but all writers – have an obligation to our readers: it’s the obligation to write true things, especially important when we are creating tales of people who do not exist in places that never were – to understand that truth is not in what happens but what it tells us about who we are. Fiction is the lie that tells the truth, after all. We have an obligation not to bore our readers, but to make them need to turn the pages. One of the best cures for a reluctant reader, after all, is a tale they cannot stop themselves from reading. And while we must tell our readers true things and give them weapons and give them armour and pass on whatever wisdom we have gleaned from our short stay on this green world, we have an obligation not to preach, not to lecture, not to force predigested morals and messages down our readers’ throats like adult birds feeding their babies pre-masticated maggots; and we have an obligation never, ever, under any circumstances, to write anything for children that we would not want to read ourselves.
We have an obligation to understand and to acknowledge that as writers for children we are doing important work, because if we mess it up and write dull books that turn children away from reading and from books, we ‘ve lessened our own future and diminished theirs.
We all – adults and children, writers and readers – have an obligation to daydream. We have an obligation to imagine. It is easy to pretend that nobody can change anything, that we are in a world in which society is huge and the individual is less than nothing: an atom in a wall, a grain of rice in a rice field. But the truth is, individuals change their world over and over, individuals make the future, and they do it by imagining that things can be different.
Look around you: I mean it. Pause, for a moment and look around the room that you are in. I’m going to point out something so obvious that it tends to be forgotten. It’s this: that everything you can see, including the walls, was, at some point, imagined. Someone decided it was easier to sit on a chair than on the ground and imagined the chair. Someone had to imagine a way that I could talk to you in London right now without us all getting rained on.This room and the things in it, and all the other things in this building, this city, exist because, over and over and over, people imagined things.
We have an obligation to make things beautiful. Not to leave the world uglier than we found it, not to empty the oceans, not to leave our problems for the next generation. We have an obligation to clean up after ourselves, and not leave our children with a world we’ve shortsightedly messed up, shortchanged, and crippled.
We have an obligation to tell our politicians what we want, to vote against politicians of whatever party who do not understand the value of reading in creating worthwhile citizens, who do not want to act to preserve and protect knowledge and encourage literacy. This is not a matter of party politics. This is a matter of common humanity.
Albert Einstein was asked once how we could make our children intelligent. His reply was both simple and wise. “If you want your children to be intelligent,” he said, “read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.” He understood the value of reading, and of imagining. I hope we can give our children a world in which they will read, and be read to, and imagine, and understand.
Whatever your aims, we can aid you in achieving your goals with our individualised approach and flexible sessions. Contact us:
When Did You Lose Your Voice?
“Becoming an excellent public speaker will help you in every part of your career. But there is an even more important reason to learn to speak well to an audience. Psychologists tell us that your level of self-esteem, or ‘how much you like yourself,’ largely determines the quality of your inner and outer life. The better and more persuasively you speak, the more you like yourself. The more you like yourself, the more optimistic and confident you are. The more you like yourself, the most positive and personable you are in your relationships with others. The more you like yourself, the healthier, happier, and more positive you become in everything you do.”
When I work with adult clients, I often hear something along the lines of, "I hate the sound of my voice."
Instead of thinking of your voice as something to be beaten, cajoled, or "fixed" I want you to think of when you decided your voice betrayed you. Were you called on to read aloud in class and found your voice let you down? Were you asked to report to a Manager and found your tongue had become heavy and dull, stopping the words in your brain from forming in your mouth? Was there a time when you felt consumed by great emotion, but when you opened your mouth you didn't recognize the voice that emerged?
In actuality, it is not the voice that is the problem. Rather than fixate on the voice, start with the breath and the body. In times of stress or pressure, we respond with flight/fight/freeze. Our breathing changes, our body gets tense. We constrict. And a constricted self does not support the voice.
Somewhere along the way, you have taught yourself coping mechanisms - useful for survival, but not for much else. I work with clients to set down new neurological patterns, habits that enable them to be relaxed and connected so that they can speak without strain, without feeling as if their brains have shut down.
“A constricted self does not support the voice.”
When I start working with my clients, we look at what is happening in the body and voice, what unique patterns have formed. In order to build vocal skills, we often start with the breath and the body. However, this is not yoga or relaxation class. Our focus is always on the voice, creating a strong instrument that is supported, expressive, and clear. Once the breath is located in and supported by the body, we learn to use the voice as an expressive instrument. I often talk about "painting with the voice" as there are so many rich ways to illustrate the content of your speech with the quality of your voice. When your voice confidently supports your message, listeners find you more trustworthy, can follow your train of thought, and will better retain what you tell them.
I have worked with teachers whose voices were squeaky and breathy. I have worked with managers whose bodies revealed nervous energy, undercutting their authority. I have worked with heads of Police and Fire departments whose rigid bodies resulted in flat voices. I have worked with entrepreneurs who had trouble communicating their stream of ideas effectively to possible investors. I have worked with individuals who dream of becoming influencers and coaches in their field of expertise, yet who found being seen and heard exhausting and uncomfortable.
“you have the choice to give up or grow.”
Each client learned about their own foibles and each client saw shifts as we set down new neurological pathways for their voice and body, resulting in growing confidence in their voice. My favourite moments are those "wow!" experiences when clients surprise themselves with an unexpected breakthrough that they previously imagined impossible.
If you find you have a burning desire to communicate yet are experiencing trouble in finding your true voice, you have the choice to give up or grow. I offer practical techniques, a rich range of experiences, an unwavering base of support, and a great deal of enthusiasm for your progress.
Whatever your aims, we can aid you in achieving your goals with our individualised approach and flexible sessions. Contact us: